So I was sitting in my friend's yard the other day and we got to talking about 'kids these days' because yes, I'm that old. We reminisced about our childhoods and how we amused ourselves without video games, went outside, all the things that those young folk don't do anymore. I brought it up because I had been listening to Howard Stern that morning and Tina Fey was talking about her new movie 'Sisters'. It reminded me of my childhood. I have many cousins, most of whom are my readers so you know each other and the things we did and more importantly, the things we did together. The reason that particular interview brought memories up for me was that I have two cousins in particular who I played a game called 'sisters' with. They are both younger than me but I don't think that actually matters to the story so ignore that part. The important part is that they would occasionally come over when their parents came to hang with mine. Their mother is my father's sister so there was a closeness inherent in that relationship. The time I remember is when we lived in this one house that had a really long hallway. My Aunt and Uncle (Ameh and Amou in Farsi) would come over for dinner (and I suspect many drinks too) and they would stay the night, or at least late into the night, my memory is likely as fuzzy as theirs. My two cousins and I would play a game that started with us hanging out in my room and getting 'dressed for work'. I don't recall the actual outfits but we would get ready, pretend to eat breakfast, and then we would leave my room to head to work. The big part of the game was that we were sisters living together who were all teachers and we would leave at the same time to go to work. We'd all leave my room, sit in separate parts of the hallway, and teach our classes. I'm guessing that since we were all really young (I was 11ish) we taught elementary school. We'd sit like that, talking to ourselves, for about 15-20 minutes and then we'd conclude our teaching days and head back 'home' to my room. Then we'd pretend to make dinner and do whatever we thought adults did at the end of the day. We were happy and the thought that maybe that could be our lives was fun to us.
There is so many aspects of that I find interesting. The imagination that kept us busy and out of our parents' hair for the evening, the fact that we didn't need anything electronic to entertain us, and the really weird part of us thinking that 3 spinster teachers living together was awesome. I'll tackle the first bit first. Well actually one and two are together. I spent my entire childhood amusing myself. I did have an Atari but it was more of a sideline, not an all consuming part of my day. I spent much of my days making elaborate bird's eye views of Barbie houses, roller skating, dressing my dog up in doll clothes and taking him for a walk in a baby buggy, or trying to build an entire town out of mud so I could end up on That's Incredible!
Ok, so now we end up at the point I am trying to make about the idea of my childhood game of Sisters. (Yes, I realized that it is highly likely that none of this has anything to do with the movie but as I haven't seen it, I don't care...inspiration comes from where it comes from, yes?) I love my cousins. All of them in so many ways. These two cousins in particular have a special place, as do all of my cousins but for different reasons, in my heart. We were sisters. At that young age we thought that living together forever was something special. We didn't dream of marriage or children, we dreamt of just living together. It seems ridiculous at this point. I don't think any of us would actually be happy being one of three spinsters living together in a one room house with only a teacher income to live off of. Then again, three people sharing just one room (and I'm not talking one bedroom, just one room total) and hoping for a government pension may not be that bad...
My darling cousins, each of you have touched my life and I love that I have random memories of all of you popping up in my head throughout each day I live. I'm blessed.
P.S. any of my regular readers who sat through this and are hoping for more embarrassing high school diary stuff, don't worry, I'll get on it and post the really really really bad poetry I've got saved up. Thanks all!
Saturday, December 19, 2015
Saturday, November 29, 2014
2-28-89
Well dear readers, here we go again. The really silly thing about this entry is that at the top of the page I wrote 'Is love not the best thing of all?' In light of my current situation, I would really like to go back and throttle my teenage self! She is partially to blame for all this! Anyway..on to the meat.
2-28-89
Today was such a routine day, but it wasn't. (oh for fucks sake, here we go. let me guess, you fell in love?) I guess it just sort of felt like it. It was my friends b-day. We gave him a bunch of stuff during first period and he was really embarrassed. I think he really appreciated it though. (yes, because everyone appreciates being embarrassed) He said that his parents forgot. They were probably saving it until after school. I hope so, it would really suck if my parents forgot my b-day. They never have before. (sixteen candles anyone?)
(*) (here we go with the asterisk again)
Lately I have realized that Duke is getting old. (crap, now I'm going to start crying) He won't live much longer. I'm really sad about that. (you have no idea how devastated you will be. you will cry for years and miss him forever) He is such a big part of me. I love him so much. He has been with me most of my life. Nine years so far. I believe that is how old he is. He might last through my high school years but I doubt it. (sadly you were right. he only made it two more years. what an amazing dog he was) He's not an abnormally healthy dog and the average age for small dogs is about 10-13 years. (where did I get that info?) I don't know how I'd react. (you cried for weeks. you couldn't take your finals. it was awful) I get tears in my eyes just thinking about it. Maybe I love him too much. (not possible. dogs deserve every ounce of love we have and more) It can't be good for me but then again neither is coffee. (did you just compare your love for your amazing best friend to coffee? you are seriously a freak)
(*)
I wonder if you know how much I admire you. I'v (yes I apparently couldn't spell I've) always wanted to be just like you. To me, you are perfect. (considering I know who I was writing this too I have to laugh really hard at myself)
2-28-89
Today was such a routine day, but it wasn't. (oh for fucks sake, here we go. let me guess, you fell in love?) I guess it just sort of felt like it. It was my friends b-day. We gave him a bunch of stuff during first period and he was really embarrassed. I think he really appreciated it though. (yes, because everyone appreciates being embarrassed) He said that his parents forgot. They were probably saving it until after school. I hope so, it would really suck if my parents forgot my b-day. They never have before. (sixteen candles anyone?)
(*) (here we go with the asterisk again)
Lately I have realized that Duke is getting old. (crap, now I'm going to start crying) He won't live much longer. I'm really sad about that. (you have no idea how devastated you will be. you will cry for years and miss him forever) He is such a big part of me. I love him so much. He has been with me most of my life. Nine years so far. I believe that is how old he is. He might last through my high school years but I doubt it. (sadly you were right. he only made it two more years. what an amazing dog he was) He's not an abnormally healthy dog and the average age for small dogs is about 10-13 years. (where did I get that info?) I don't know how I'd react. (you cried for weeks. you couldn't take your finals. it was awful) I get tears in my eyes just thinking about it. Maybe I love him too much. (not possible. dogs deserve every ounce of love we have and more) It can't be good for me but then again neither is coffee. (did you just compare your love for your amazing best friend to coffee? you are seriously a freak)
(*)
I wonder if you know how much I admire you. I'v (yes I apparently couldn't spell I've) always wanted to be just like you. To me, you are perfect. (considering I know who I was writing this too I have to laugh really hard at myself)
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
And now we move on to 1989
Hello dear readers! We are skipping forward to February of 1989, mainly because I don't seem to have written anything between the end of the last journal and this point. I'm sure if I had kept one during this time, it would say something like 'I'm in love with ... and I'm now in love with... and how am I ever going to live without...' You get the point. So let's move on and see what I had to say when I was 14 and a half.
2-27-89 (I stopped numbering my entries finally!) (Oh, and at the top of the page is a poorly drawn peace symbol, I wish I could figure out how to add pictures to this..)
Well I'm starting my journal to you. It'll be a book when I'm done. (No, at this point I don't know who I am writing this to but I'm sure I'll figure it out as we go along) I'm using it not only as a place to write the days happenings but also a place to put down ideas, thoughts and feelings. (so apparently you are aware of what a journal is for. Good for you.) It's a good idea. Thank you.
(then I put a little asterisk in the middle of page. I guess I was signifying a change of subject)
I've started to straighten out my life now. (snort) Since I know that someday we are to be married (I'm impressed I made it this far before wanting to choke my teenage self) I can work towards that goal. I need solidness in my life (like having a great family, both parents still married to each other, and living in Saratoga wasn't solid?) and now I have it. I'm going to better in school (snort again), I mean really work hard. I'm going to get a job once school is doing better, and I'm going to be good. (snort, snort, snort!) No more smoking or shit like that. (sure whatever you say) I'm still going to drink coffee though. I love it.
(asterisk *)
I've dreamed of marrying somebody I love with all my heart since I was a little girl. (and that is how you ended up in the trouble you are in today) Now my dream has come true. (well, not really. you exactly married at this point you nitwit) I wish time would go faster. (Christ, kids are fucking annoying) Six years seems like a long time from now. I know that once it has gone by it'll seem as though it took no time at all. (that might be the first intelligent thing I had ever said) But, I'm impatient when it comes to waiting 10 min for dinner. 10 minutes is nothing compared to six years.
(*)
I've always, well not always because the thought hit me recently (ugh, you need to be slapped) wondered if you think I'm too much younger than you. I know it won't matter in 6-10 years but what about now?
(*)
Tomorrow is one of my friends birthdays. Francis. (ah Franny, I remember this day) We, a group of friends, are going to embarrass the hell out of him because we bought him flowers, a balloon, streamers, and a card. (apparently we are all assholes too. why would we go out of our way to make someone feel embarrassed?) He's a pretty shy guy so it'll be cute. (again, we are assholes)
(*)
(anyone sick of the asterisks yet?) I keep changing subject's huh? (thanks for clueing in) I guess I only have so much to say about one thing. (and yet so much to say in general)
See you next time for 2-28-89 where at the top of the page I wrote 'is love not the best thing of all?' God, I don't know how much more of myself I can handle.
2-27-89 (I stopped numbering my entries finally!) (Oh, and at the top of the page is a poorly drawn peace symbol, I wish I could figure out how to add pictures to this..)
Well I'm starting my journal to you. It'll be a book when I'm done. (No, at this point I don't know who I am writing this to but I'm sure I'll figure it out as we go along) I'm using it not only as a place to write the days happenings but also a place to put down ideas, thoughts and feelings. (so apparently you are aware of what a journal is for. Good for you.) It's a good idea. Thank you.
(then I put a little asterisk in the middle of page. I guess I was signifying a change of subject)
I've started to straighten out my life now. (snort) Since I know that someday we are to be married (I'm impressed I made it this far before wanting to choke my teenage self) I can work towards that goal. I need solidness in my life (like having a great family, both parents still married to each other, and living in Saratoga wasn't solid?) and now I have it. I'm going to better in school (snort again), I mean really work hard. I'm going to get a job once school is doing better, and I'm going to be good. (snort, snort, snort!) No more smoking or shit like that. (sure whatever you say) I'm still going to drink coffee though. I love it.
(asterisk *)
I've dreamed of marrying somebody I love with all my heart since I was a little girl. (and that is how you ended up in the trouble you are in today) Now my dream has come true. (well, not really. you exactly married at this point you nitwit) I wish time would go faster. (Christ, kids are fucking annoying) Six years seems like a long time from now. I know that once it has gone by it'll seem as though it took no time at all. (that might be the first intelligent thing I had ever said) But, I'm impatient when it comes to waiting 10 min for dinner. 10 minutes is nothing compared to six years.
(*)
I've always, well not always because the thought hit me recently (ugh, you need to be slapped) wondered if you think I'm too much younger than you. I know it won't matter in 6-10 years but what about now?
(*)
Tomorrow is one of my friends birthdays. Francis. (ah Franny, I remember this day) We, a group of friends, are going to embarrass the hell out of him because we bought him flowers, a balloon, streamers, and a card. (apparently we are all assholes too. why would we go out of our way to make someone feel embarrassed?) He's a pretty shy guy so it'll be cute. (again, we are assholes)
(*)
(anyone sick of the asterisks yet?) I keep changing subject's huh? (thanks for clueing in) I guess I only have so much to say about one thing. (and yet so much to say in general)
See you next time for 2-28-89 where at the top of the page I wrote 'is love not the best thing of all?' God, I don't know how much more of myself I can handle.
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
24th entry
Well folks, some of you have been so kind as to let me know how much you have been enjoying reading my old diaries and because of that, I'm encouraged to keep going. So thank you for taking the time out of your day to say hi and let me know what you think. And for those of you who read them and don't even bother to say a damn thing.. ;) just kidding. I don't mind if you don't tell me how awesome I am, I tell myself enough for everyone. Here, my dear readers, is the 24th entry!
24th (I didn't even bother writing entry this time..looks like we might finally be getting to the end of the numbering system. Woohoo! Anyway...)
24th 11-22-88
Life is perfect. I never thought I could be so happy. I love Jesse and he loves me. It couldn't get much better. (That is actually the entire entry. Apparently I was so busy being in love...again...that I couldn't write anything else. Is anybody else exhausted by all this?)
25th 12-12-88
I'm happy! (yeah, because this has lasted almost 3 whole weeks!) Jesse and I are getting along real well. (real well? isn't that swell?) No fights or anything. We are still very much in love. (Ok, I do have to give myself a tiny bit of credit here since I was pretty much in love with Jesse all of 5th and 6th grade as well. There was history there baby) It's been a month now. (that is actually a lifetime for you my flighty little self) I love him so much. Someday I'm going to marry him. Life will be perfect then. :) (yes, I actually drew myself a little smiley face but that is totally beside the point. I really should be laughing at myself for the whole 'I'm going to marry him' thing considering I also thought I was going to marry Rick Springfield when I was 11. Another embarrassing story for another time)
Sadly everyone, this is the end of this particular journal. But never fear! I have found the green journal and soon we will begin again from February 27, 1989!
24th (I didn't even bother writing entry this time..looks like we might finally be getting to the end of the numbering system. Woohoo! Anyway...)
24th 11-22-88
Life is perfect. I never thought I could be so happy. I love Jesse and he loves me. It couldn't get much better. (That is actually the entire entry. Apparently I was so busy being in love...again...that I couldn't write anything else. Is anybody else exhausted by all this?)
25th 12-12-88
I'm happy! (yeah, because this has lasted almost 3 whole weeks!) Jesse and I are getting along real well. (real well? isn't that swell?) No fights or anything. We are still very much in love. (Ok, I do have to give myself a tiny bit of credit here since I was pretty much in love with Jesse all of 5th and 6th grade as well. There was history there baby) It's been a month now. (that is actually a lifetime for you my flighty little self) I love him so much. Someday I'm going to marry him. Life will be perfect then. :) (yes, I actually drew myself a little smiley face but that is totally beside the point. I really should be laughing at myself for the whole 'I'm going to marry him' thing considering I also thought I was going to marry Rick Springfield when I was 11. Another embarrassing story for another time)
Sadly everyone, this is the end of this particular journal. But never fear! I have found the green journal and soon we will begin again from February 27, 1989!
Saturday, August 9, 2014
22nd entry (what am I going to call them when I stop numbering them?)
Yes my dear friends, there is always more..
22nd entry 11-18-88
I'm so happy! Jesse is coming to visit me on Sunday. Just when I thought I wouldn't see him again. He told me he wanted to see me. (this whole thing with Jesse started in 5th grade and man, what an obsession! We went 'around' in 5th and 6th grade. That meant we sat next to each other in assembly) My mom said ok. I really love him (shocking that) and I am thinking of running away with him. (this is so about to get embarrassing) I won't leave forever. just for a little while. A few weeks. (yes, because that is how running away works) I just want to be with him. I want to be with him forever. (I can almost hear my own breathless voice as I declare my desire) He is my life. (at least for this minute) My heart & soul. (can I reach back through time and slap myself silly?)
23rd - (yay, I finally stopped writing entry at least!) 11-21-88
Well I guess this is the 13th or 14th time for me and Jesse. He told me he still loves me. He also gave me his necklace. (well that seals it then, doesn't it?) That really means a lot to me. (I think he also gave you half of a $5 bill that you still have in a box somewhere. It was supposed to signify that you would one day be together again. I love that I have hung on to this random shit and that I still know why) He kissed me for the first time yesterday. It was strange because I've known him for 4.5 years and this was the first time we kissed. (such a silly innocent youth) I have a feeling it won't be the last. (actually, it might have been because you most likely fell in love with someone else on your way to the mailbox that day) Brian said that Jesse is just using me but I don't believe it. (why would you? He is your heart & soul for god's sake!) Jesse is a different person when he's with me. (all men are honey) He's loving and kind. I really believe that he cares. Life is great, I'm so Happy! He's coming to see me today after school. He's taking the bus from Mountain View. (now that is true love right there) He said he'd be there at 3. I can't wait. I really love him. (for the next 5 minutes)
I have some really truly awful poetry that I might need to one day include in this but for now, let's leave my embarrassment to just my journal entries.
22nd entry 11-18-88
I'm so happy! Jesse is coming to visit me on Sunday. Just when I thought I wouldn't see him again. He told me he wanted to see me. (this whole thing with Jesse started in 5th grade and man, what an obsession! We went 'around' in 5th and 6th grade. That meant we sat next to each other in assembly) My mom said ok. I really love him (shocking that) and I am thinking of running away with him. (this is so about to get embarrassing) I won't leave forever. just for a little while. A few weeks. (yes, because that is how running away works) I just want to be with him. I want to be with him forever. (I can almost hear my own breathless voice as I declare my desire) He is my life. (at least for this minute) My heart & soul. (can I reach back through time and slap myself silly?)
23rd - (yay, I finally stopped writing entry at least!) 11-21-88
Well I guess this is the 13th or 14th time for me and Jesse. He told me he still loves me. He also gave me his necklace. (well that seals it then, doesn't it?) That really means a lot to me. (I think he also gave you half of a $5 bill that you still have in a box somewhere. It was supposed to signify that you would one day be together again. I love that I have hung on to this random shit and that I still know why) He kissed me for the first time yesterday. It was strange because I've known him for 4.5 years and this was the first time we kissed. (such a silly innocent youth) I have a feeling it won't be the last. (actually, it might have been because you most likely fell in love with someone else on your way to the mailbox that day) Brian said that Jesse is just using me but I don't believe it. (why would you? He is your heart & soul for god's sake!) Jesse is a different person when he's with me. (all men are honey) He's loving and kind. I really believe that he cares. Life is great, I'm so Happy! He's coming to see me today after school. He's taking the bus from Mountain View. (now that is true love right there) He said he'd be there at 3. I can't wait. I really love him. (for the next 5 minutes)
I have some really truly awful poetry that I might need to one day include in this but for now, let's leave my embarrassment to just my journal entries.
Saturday, August 2, 2014
20th entry
Let's see what ridiculous thoughts I recorded this time.
20th entry 11-7-88
Well Kian bought me some 'reds'. (I guess this was my slang for Marlboros. Got what a horrible place to start. Not even lights, I went straight to being a cowboy) He doesn't seem to care very much. He just told me that I shouldn't. (why, why didn't I listen??) I also double pierced my ear last night. Mom and Baba haven't noticed, again. (I guess I must have done it one other time?) Zack is my boyfriend now. (i'm sure you have all rolled your eyes like I did) He's really nice and I like him so I figured why not? (much more eye rolling going on here) He obviously likes me too. (well I should hope so nitwit) We went out with Kevin, Dan Melissa, and Amy today. We were going to go to Paramount Imports (can anyone believe that place is still in business? it was like the Mecca for all things blacklight, goth, and stoner and it looks exactly the same today as it did 16 years ago) but we ran out of time. Oh-Well. It would have been fun. I am really changing. (not really, no you aren't) I cut 5th period last Thursday. Dan, Kevin, Zack, Melissa, and I went out after lunch. We went to Dan's house so that he could change then we went to Kevin's house and watched the end of Good Morning Vietnam. It was a real blast. (at least we had good taste in movies) They are really fun to be with. They accept me as one of their equals. (snort. Really, I just snorted) They only pick on me once in a while (as compared to who?) and I can handle it. I think this will be a great year. (i'm fairly sure you already mentioned that)
Any why not add one more? I'm feeling flush with the triumph of finding the large green spiral bound notebook I was looking for.
21st entry 11-16-88
I know I haven't written in a while but I've been lazy and sick. I caught bronchitis again. (man, I was always sick because of bronchitis) It's not going well with Zack. He seems to be ignoring me. Maybe hes just too occupied with other things but he still hangs all over Gretchen. (Grrr! Gretchen. you poor thing, she is always stealing your boyfriends throughout high school. she eventually gets your 'first' to cheat on you and you will spend years making even more bad decisions about men because of it. Feh on her) I'm still very in love with Jesse. (wait, not Zack?) He told me that when he turns 16 he's going to run away. (because that is such a mature age to set out on your own) If he does I want to go with him. I told him that and he said he'd take me. (oh the stupid dreams of teenagers are so annoying!) I love him so much that sometimes it hurts.
I can barely keep up with all the guys I was supposedly in love with. It is kind of funny that I totally remember (almost) all of them. I was so completely convinced each and every time that this was the love of my life.
20th entry 11-7-88
Well Kian bought me some 'reds'. (I guess this was my slang for Marlboros. Got what a horrible place to start. Not even lights, I went straight to being a cowboy) He doesn't seem to care very much. He just told me that I shouldn't. (why, why didn't I listen??) I also double pierced my ear last night. Mom and Baba haven't noticed, again. (I guess I must have done it one other time?) Zack is my boyfriend now. (i'm sure you have all rolled your eyes like I did) He's really nice and I like him so I figured why not? (much more eye rolling going on here) He obviously likes me too. (well I should hope so nitwit) We went out with Kevin, Dan Melissa, and Amy today. We were going to go to Paramount Imports (can anyone believe that place is still in business? it was like the Mecca for all things blacklight, goth, and stoner and it looks exactly the same today as it did 16 years ago) but we ran out of time. Oh-Well. It would have been fun. I am really changing. (not really, no you aren't) I cut 5th period last Thursday. Dan, Kevin, Zack, Melissa, and I went out after lunch. We went to Dan's house so that he could change then we went to Kevin's house and watched the end of Good Morning Vietnam. It was a real blast. (at least we had good taste in movies) They are really fun to be with. They accept me as one of their equals. (snort. Really, I just snorted) They only pick on me once in a while (as compared to who?) and I can handle it. I think this will be a great year. (i'm fairly sure you already mentioned that)
Any why not add one more? I'm feeling flush with the triumph of finding the large green spiral bound notebook I was looking for.
21st entry 11-16-88
I know I haven't written in a while but I've been lazy and sick. I caught bronchitis again. (man, I was always sick because of bronchitis) It's not going well with Zack. He seems to be ignoring me. Maybe hes just too occupied with other things but he still hangs all over Gretchen. (Grrr! Gretchen. you poor thing, she is always stealing your boyfriends throughout high school. she eventually gets your 'first' to cheat on you and you will spend years making even more bad decisions about men because of it. Feh on her) I'm still very in love with Jesse. (wait, not Zack?) He told me that when he turns 16 he's going to run away. (because that is such a mature age to set out on your own) If he does I want to go with him. I told him that and he said he'd take me. (oh the stupid dreams of teenagers are so annoying!) I love him so much that sometimes it hurts.
I can barely keep up with all the guys I was supposedly in love with. It is kind of funny that I totally remember (almost) all of them. I was so completely convinced each and every time that this was the love of my life.
Thursday, July 31, 2014
18th entry 11-2-88
Good news readers! I have found the green spiral bound notebook! That means I don't have to hoard the few entries I had left in the current book. There are definitely some gaps in time but whatever, like ohmigod, it is totally tubular! Sorry, had to fall into 80's high school speak for a second there. Anyway, enjoy!
Scott wants me to get back together with him. (no wonder I only weighed 90 lbs. in high school, I clearly never had time to eat) I am really mixed up as to what to do. (well you kind of answered your own dilemma there, if you have to stop to think about it...) I had the chance for a perfect love and I threw it away. Twice. (good god, what the hell is a perfect love in your mind you silly addled child?) Scott wants to break up with his girlfriend and I'm afraid I would be just an excuse. I don't love him anymore. (then what the fuck is there to be mixed up about? ugh, I'm getting sick of you) Well, I do but not as much. I love him as a good friend and I don't want to risk ruining that. (don't worry, he'll be in and out of your life for a really really long time and actually when the friendship does end, you'll be really bummed out because it wasn't even over something that should have ended it) Besides, its time to go on with my life. (Christ woman, who will be your 'moving on')
19th entry ( I really hope that I eventually stop with the numbering of my entries) 11-3-88
Well I've been put on stage crew for the school play. (I totally remember this time frame and it was so much fun!) Zack's on it too. It's pretty fun but it's lots of hard work. ( I totally don't remember hard work, I remember lots of goofing off and laughter. I also remember not knowing that you never say 'good luck' to actors and when I did the first night of the play, everyone totally freaked out, I was so devastated.) I'm doing it so I can be with Dan and Zack. (c'mon, is anyone really even a little bit shocked about this revelation? You certainly weren't doing it for the hard work or fun since you don't seem to be able to do anything that doesn't involve a boy) Zack is a great friend and I know I can trust him. I don't know Dan very well but I sort of like him. (what, you aren't in love already?) He's funny but I know I don't have any chance whatsoever. But I can keep dreaming can't I? (oh please do, dream away little girl) I think I'm probably going to start smoking again. (did I seriously spend time making that decision? Why oh why did I choose so wrong? Look annoying little girl, you deciding to do that has made for a lifetime struggle for me. Thanks.) I'll watch it and I'll try not to get addicted (I'm making sarcastic snorting noises here) but I just want to. Kevin might get me some if I ask him. Kian might too but I don't want Kian to know I smoke because he might tell Mom and Baba. (my poor big brother. He walked the line between being the cool older brother and not letting me get into too much trouble quite well)
See you soon for another installment of my annoying teenage self!
Scott wants me to get back together with him. (no wonder I only weighed 90 lbs. in high school, I clearly never had time to eat) I am really mixed up as to what to do. (well you kind of answered your own dilemma there, if you have to stop to think about it...) I had the chance for a perfect love and I threw it away. Twice. (good god, what the hell is a perfect love in your mind you silly addled child?) Scott wants to break up with his girlfriend and I'm afraid I would be just an excuse. I don't love him anymore. (then what the fuck is there to be mixed up about? ugh, I'm getting sick of you) Well, I do but not as much. I love him as a good friend and I don't want to risk ruining that. (don't worry, he'll be in and out of your life for a really really long time and actually when the friendship does end, you'll be really bummed out because it wasn't even over something that should have ended it) Besides, its time to go on with my life. (Christ woman, who will be your 'moving on')
19th entry ( I really hope that I eventually stop with the numbering of my entries) 11-3-88
Well I've been put on stage crew for the school play. (I totally remember this time frame and it was so much fun!) Zack's on it too. It's pretty fun but it's lots of hard work. ( I totally don't remember hard work, I remember lots of goofing off and laughter. I also remember not knowing that you never say 'good luck' to actors and when I did the first night of the play, everyone totally freaked out, I was so devastated.) I'm doing it so I can be with Dan and Zack. (c'mon, is anyone really even a little bit shocked about this revelation? You certainly weren't doing it for the hard work or fun since you don't seem to be able to do anything that doesn't involve a boy) Zack is a great friend and I know I can trust him. I don't know Dan very well but I sort of like him. (what, you aren't in love already?) He's funny but I know I don't have any chance whatsoever. But I can keep dreaming can't I? (oh please do, dream away little girl) I think I'm probably going to start smoking again. (did I seriously spend time making that decision? Why oh why did I choose so wrong? Look annoying little girl, you deciding to do that has made for a lifetime struggle for me. Thanks.) I'll watch it and I'll try not to get addicted (I'm making sarcastic snorting noises here) but I just want to. Kevin might get me some if I ask him. Kian might too but I don't want Kian to know I smoke because he might tell Mom and Baba. (my poor big brother. He walked the line between being the cool older brother and not letting me get into too much trouble quite well)
See you soon for another installment of my annoying teenage self!
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