Why should I have to age?

I certainly don't think I should have to age. I'm still a kid in so many ways. I wake up super early on Christmas, I love toys and hate to share them, my birthday is the best holiday of the year, butterflies distract me, I hate math and school in general, I giggle uncontrolably and unnecessarily, puppies are the coolest thing ever except Johhny Depp, I still listen to my music super loud, I do cartwheels, walk on the curb like it is a balance beam, swing on the swing in my front yard, smell the flowers all the damn time..etc. Now things are breaking and I'm fucking pissed off! I'm in the best shape of my life, mostly. I was thinner in my early twenties but definitely not as strong or clearly not as smart if you have read my previous posts. I'm thinking my dad must have gotten the 35 year warranty and I'm lucky it lasted until 37. In the past year I have had an endless headache. Yes, one long headache and after 3 MRIs with no answers I gave up, arthritis in my spine, tennis elbow, bunion surgery with another looming, and now..a new bonus feature! Not only am I talking about my health on a daily basis before I turn 60 but I might now have breast cancer. So cool. I'm weirdly calm and also super totally freaking out about it. I found a lump that the doctor doesn't think is a big deal but want to have checked out. Anytime a doctor wants to check things out, I begin to weigh the options of panic vs remaining calm. On the calm side I have the luxury of not worrying and most likely having the outcome of nothing happening but on the panic side there is the sleepless nights, the eating whatever I want, the drinking my evening away all in the hopes that this will just go away. I don't want to lose my boob. I like both of them, quite a bit. I'm not sure at this point that I find them to be a part of my identity, I'm a woman with or without but my boobs are fun to touch. Especially by me. I only found the lump because I woke up in the morning already playing with my boobs. Not playing sexually, just touching them because they are there and I can. I found the lump before I woke up fully. I was awake the second I noticed it though. It is amazing how a woman can go from not totally awake to I can take on anything in seconds. I'm not sure if men have this ability. I'm not trying to put men down, I just don't think they are built like that. I didn't know how to process what I thought I had found. I wasn't even sure it was what I thought it was. It still might not be. I hate that it takes time to find these things out when it is scary. Or is it just that time takes longer when things are scary? To his credit, my husband is scared too. He is taking this seriously but can't be truly a part of it because he isn't a woman. There are just things we have to deal with that men cannot. He offered to come with me to the appointment but I just couldn't bear to have him in the room as it was time for my regular check up and the insertion of the scapula and poking about n all is just a bit much to share. Obviously not too much to share here. So there it is. A possible cancerous bit of my body. Pissing me off. Making it clear that I am ageing even though I shouldn't have to. I'm a child. I haven't grown up, why should I have to deal with grown up issues? I'm not ready to stop loving silliness, play dough, bouncy balls, general goofiness, puppies, and anything that makes me giggle.