I'm just sayin is all: 2016

So, I just came home from a weekend away. My cousin, or second cousin, or the cousin of my father's second cousin or perhaps even a third cousin..got married. My family takes convolution way too far. In reality, I am aware of my relationship to her... I think. There were so many amazing moments from this wedding. I'm not talking about the beautiful romantic moments, because those are obvious and not part of what I get into. The love and beauty was fabulous. The connection so clear. This amazing woman I am related to has indeed found a soul mate. It showed not only in her eyes, his eyes, the joy of their parents, etc. But also came out in the jokes of friends, the ease with which both sides came together, the laughter, the seamlessness of ceremony, the fact that any lack of perfection belonged because that is what life is. I haven't really gotten to hang out with my 'new' cousin but through his friends and family, I feel like I've found a really rad new family member.
I'm writing this because Kianoush told me that her and her beloved actually read my random crap so I am inspired to finally write again and here is what I took away from this weekend (again, besides the love I saw in your union).
Let's start with Thursday, this part is kinda short. My dad needed to borrow something from me so I put it on my patio because of what you'll read about Friday. My dad came to my door and I was super stoned. I don't get stoned often but I needed to because, again, you'll read it in a second. He comes to my door and I'm too stoned to interact. I opened the door and didn't even invite him in because I wasn't functional enough to do so. I just stood there, puffy eyed and dumb. I managed to give him a hug which I am kind of proud of. Seriously, I was fucking stoned. Anyway..move on.
Friday.. I hate to fly. Actually, I don't hate to fly, I am so terrified of flying that I am paralyzed to fly. The airport is simply destructive to my peace of mind. I need to be mindless the night before while I pack. Wine, wine, more wine. Then the distraction of mindless TV. Weed. I have to cry while I say goodbye to my dogs because I'm sure I will never see them again and they will never know why. They will have abandonment issues. I will have humanized them to a ridiculous degree all while I freak the fuck out about getting on the that stupid pill shaped aluminum box of death. Thank you random Doctor folk for creating Xanax or I would have to drive everywhere. Which I am totally OK with.. I like to drive because of the whole I am now in control thing. Shit, so my fear of flying is a control issue???? Ugh, another time. Anyway, Friday. So I go to the airport 2 hours before the flight so I can get myself situated. This requires perfect timing of a bloody mary (let's be honest, 2) with my Xanax so that I can make it on board the plane without being too fucked up but can buckle my seatbelt, put on my headphones, tip over, and pass out. Next thing I know, we have landed. I have survived this. To anyone who has never had a panic attack, this doesn't seem tough, but fuck you. I'd love to have no issues with flying and be able to jet away all over the place all the time without losing my shit. I really would. It is damned awful. A true panic attack is indescribable for those of you who have never dealt so don't judge. We land. I navigate getting my checked luggage because I had to bring a few dress options (but for a change I only I had one pair of dress shoes so that limited things) and I manage to follow my family to the rental car and get to the hotel. Honestly, I could never have done this myself. I'd still be sitting somewhere on the carousel just going in circles and the wedding would have happened and maybe I'd make it home eventually.. That night we went to the night before the wedding reception thing and it was so wonderful. From what my Xanax riddled mind remembers. I had so much fun hanging with Kianoush, Farinoush, Sara Khatami and her boyfriend Ian (god I hope I got his name right), my various random first, second, third and etc. cousins, smoking with Banafsheh and Houman, hugging Homy, adoring Mercedes, Mitchy, and Lily, seeing Christy, thinking about how much I love Kayvan and Parvin, and the list goes on. I met new people, friends of Joseph and Kianoush, everyone was wonderful. I hope no one is offended by not being named, I was drinking for god's sake. Amazing food, lots of wine, all was well. I survived the flight.
Now it is Saturday,
My parents had a fabulous idea to go find a casino. I have to say, I didn't object and still don't think it was a bad idea. But not worthy of story telling. Instead, let us flash forward to getting ready for the wedding. I've been single for a while now and the only times I really don't like it is when there is a spider that needs to be killed, when I'm on the toilet and there isn't a spare roll in the bathroom, when I'm not sure if there is a rat stealing the dog food, and..most importantly, when I need my dress zipped up before an event. (sucks just as much at the end of the night when you haven't found anyone to unzip you..just FYI but thanks Mercedes!). So my make up is done because I'm not girly enough to require more than 15 minutes and I'm now watching crap TV waiting until I can go ask my mom to zip me up. Ok, that part is done. I'm ready to go. Best part, the dress I'm wearing doesn't require stupid soul sucking spanx so I can pee anytime I want. RAD! The ceremony is beautiful and because I don't wear shit tons of make up, I'm good with just a swipe or two of under my eyes to fix the mascara run thingy. Now we party.. OH HELL YES we party! Freaking amazing wedding party time! I'm surrounded by my younger cousins, my contemporaries, my favorite party time folk, and some new white people who have rhythm. I haven't danced this hard since the last wedding. So damned fun! I see my brother get kind of wasted (sorry brother), my dad isn't super sober either, and all my family is laughing, dancing, forming a whirlwind of joy and love and the best feelings ever. I meet someone fun, we talk, we move on, life just keeps happening and it is all a part of the love that my cousin and her beloved have created for us. I wish the night hadn't ended. I would do it all again tomorrow if possible, or better yet, rewind and even live through the flying if I had to just to enjoy every minute. To live it again and relish. Sadly, Saturday ended. I got in an Uber with Merc and Mitchy and we ended up back at the hotel. If there was any way to keep on, I bet we would have.
Sunday... Sunday was the inspiration for this entire writing. As I was saying goodbye to all my wonderful family, new friends, adorable cousins both first and beyond, Kianoush pulled me back to Joseph and said (even though I had met him several times throughout the weekend) this is Mitra! The Mitra from Mitra Is Just Sayin Is All and poor Joseph kindly said hello again and smiled his welcoming and warm smile and gave me a hug. At the end of the weekend, the thing that inspired this essay (blog? thing? what do you call this?) is that right before I said goodbye to the amazing, happy, inspirational couple was that I also said goodbye to our cousin Arjang to who took the opportunity to usurp all attention (as usual) and rape my face with his boobs. Yes, his boobs. He forced my face into his chest and pumped his damn pectoral muscles one at a time, back and forth, all over my face! Yes I'm single, and it has been a long time, but Jesus Fucking Christ! That is the action I got?!
Kianoush and Josheph, thank you for your loving light, thank you for your friends, thank you for an amazing weekend, and I guess I have no choice but to thank you for Arjang's boobs.

I'm just sayin is all

Monday, August 8, 2016

A tribute to Kianoush and Joseph

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Bad Poetry 1996