Is there an etiquette?

Recently I was at some friend's parents' house and I started to experience what I can 'burblegutts'. It actually came on just after lunch and continued until I arrived at the house (actually carried on for much longer but that is totally my fault). 'Burblegutts' is that moment when you feel your belly gurgle in preparation for the expelling of all that extra shit in the bowels. Clearly you have eaten something that your body does not want to store or use in any way. It starts with small bubbles in your stomach and moves down the bowel line letting you explore from the outside every inch of the miles of intestines you have. Often, there is some cramping, sometimes it is even severe. In this particular case, the one that inspired this moment of my life that you are reading about, I was sure I could hold it in until I made it home some hours later. I even mentioned to my husband that the urge was there (he is by now, totally familiar with my randomness) and his solution was that I should just 'go to the bathroom'. Ok, familiar is neat and all but realistic about me he is not. I can't just 'go to the bathroom'. It isn't that easy. With my level of OCD and my acceptance thereof, I have rituals. Or some need of comfort at the very least. I want some peace and quiet, none of which I can get in a strange home. Which bathroom is the best? Where am I least likely to be noticed? Is there reading material? Is there one of those weird grandparent style cushioned seats? Does it smell right? What if there is some restriction on the amount of toilet paper that can be flushed? What if someone tries to come in and then stands outside noticing how long I take? What if there isn't any toilet paper at all? What if I get locked in and have to call for help? It eventually got to a point that I couldn't wait any longer, much less make it home in time. I went back to my husband in a slightly panicky mood and basically whined at him like he could teleport me home with his desire to see me happy. (more likely his desire to see me gone) He told me to find a bathroom that wasn't in the main part of the house. This involves skulking about a strange home and not in a Sarah Winchester kind of way but in a 'I might find something out about these people I don't want to know' kind of way. What if they had a midget stored in a closet? What if the way to the secret dungeon was cloaked in what looked like a bathroom? What if they found me??!!! I finally caved in because my bowels insisted I do so. I walked up the stairs that seemed to elongate as I climbed, all the while completely aware that every friend in the room I left was watching and had begun counting the minutes. I made it to the top and was about to open the door to what I hoped was the bathroom (as all doors on the landing were closed) when I was beaten to the punch. The door opened, the right room, there the throne was, my salvation, and blocked by the owner of the home! God! I can't backtrack now. I must continue with my quest. I have already told my bowels that relief is imminent. There is no prariedogging this time. I had to go in as he exited. I was dripping in embarrassment and praying that nothing telling happened while I was 'working'. I finally sat on the hemorrhoid relieving seat and allowed the world to 'carry on'. I won't describe the deed as we have all been there at some point and really, it is just gross. But Oh!, the relief! I wish I could say it was epic or even extraordinary but sadly, I felt so rushed to simply push it all out that I'm not sure I was even done. I think had I been at home and willing to sit still for another 20 minutes, so much more could have been accomplished but sadly, I was in a strange home and had to close this deal as quickly as possible. By the time I got to the point where I could survive the evening, I knew that all the people I had been talking to prior were well aware of how long I had been gone and now I wished I could stay upstairs for the rest of the night.
So I ask you, my dear friends who tolerate my ramblings, what would you have done? Do you think that perhaps good host etiquette is to provide the 'shit' bathroom? Or maybe graciously ignore the 'shitter'? Or as a 'shitter' are your supposed to hold it? Go to the gas station maybe? Maybe there is some way to avoid this all together before you go to the party? Please, for the love of my sanity and sanitation, tell me!