I have a secret TV addiction. I actually have several including Teen Mom (first season not the new ones) and the one with LLCool J (don't need to know the name, Tivo takes care of that for me and really, it's not the plot I'm checking out). I generally have to hide in the bedroom to watch these shows, mostly because of the noises I make everytime LL comes onscreen. It makes Matt a bit uncomfortable and I do understand, I'm a loving wife if nothing else. (a sarcastic one too) Among my list of sad realityesque shows is Celebrity Rehab. I got stuck on it when I had surgery and couldn't get out of bed for a few weeks. There was a marathon one night and next thing I know, I find myself actually caring about what happens to Jeff Conaway. The drama just sucked me right in. Well done producers of crap TV! You have absolutely succeeded in lowering the iq of yet another viewer.
This most recent season brought the likes of Leif Garrett, some chick who is famous for losing a fiancee in 9/11 (not sure why she is considered a celebrity), an abnoxious spoiled rich boy, the crack whore mother of some chick I have never heard of, and at least one other random person. The most notable one of all was Janice Dickinson. I didn't even care about her drama, the show was mezmerizing due to her face. I've never seen anyone with so much bad plastic surgery. Even Michael Jackson looked normal compared to this crazy bitch! I'm not sure which was worse, the fact that she couldn't move any portion of her face when she cried or that she only had surgery on her face so her neck looked at least 50 years older than her cheeks. It was like one of those women that wears too much make up on her face but stops at the chin line and the colors of the skin are so far apart you could park a semi truck in the space between. I have to know, just who do you think you are fooling? Do you honestly believe that you look good that way? I can't imagine you have any real friends because real friends are supposed to tell you when you have begun to look abnormal. Janice has crossed the border into actually being terrifying at this point. Watching her was the TV equivilant to the accident on the freeway. I just couldn't stop myself but I also spent the entire time cringing and mumbling at the TV. I would fall asleep only to have dreams of giant lips flapping incessantly in my general direction. I'm not sure if she ever even actually spoke English, such was my focus on her face. I don't know how Dr. Drew or anyone in the facility could concentrate. I could never have been in there with her..I would have wanted to poke her face all the time. (with gloved hands of course, wouldn't want to catch that) I kept hoping that at some point her head would pop off and we would all see that she was only Animatronics gone awry.
Not long after the season finale, I was watching TV (with Matt this time) and saw Olympia Dukakis in something and all I could think was, wow..she looks amazing! She didn't look all creepy and fake and I think she may not have had any work done. If she did, she knew that less is more and she had a hell of a doctor.
Ladies, (and some gentlemen) I guess the moral of this story is please don't start messing with your bodies too much. You never know when the universe will say 'screw you for your vanity' and make you look like Janice Dickinson.
(All that being said, I did have a nose job but in all fairness, I had broken it 4 times and couldn't breathe anymore. Also, it did come out worse than before)
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