So, generally much of what I have to say is glib. I rant, I rave..I go on and on. Both in my life overall and in what I anticipated this blog to be. But, today I have a problem and maybe something some one says to me will help me reach a decision.
Background: My dogs are my children, my source of humor, my loves. I have 3 and they all, in their own way, give me a control for what life should be. I often am shown a way to reasses my reaction to something by watching them. Admitedly, I also see them over react to the UPS guy and mailman daily. Perhaps we all have something to teach eachother in our lifetime.
The crux of my story is that my youngest, Monkey, has some severe separation anxiety. It has gotten to a point that I have begun to wonder if I should put him down. Please don't judge yet. The majority of my pain in this matter is that I don't want to give up. I don't want to fail him. I have talked to my veteranarian, I have talked to trainers, I have gone so far as to take him to UCDavis (top veteranary school in the nation, I believe and a 2 1/2 hour drive from my house) to consult with their behavior department. We have tried Prozac, Xanax, Reconcile (made just for dogs with anxiety), and now Paxil. My dog takes more anit-depressants than I ever have. He is still crazy and I can't believe that his life is a good one. Can you imagine living your life in a total state of stress with no way to communicate it? No way to alleviate it? That is why I think maybe putting him to sleep is the best choice. I can't leave him outside for 10 minutes without him jumping a 6.5 foot fence into my neighbors yard. Fortunately the neighbors love him and just return him home. The other two dogs don't panic in the least. I've noticed that when he isn't here, they have a much more relaxed interaction with eachother too. I love my Monkey. When he is calm, all 2 minutes of it a month, he is funny and sweet and full of love.
So I ask, at what point do I give in and give up? Just the thought makes me want to curl up and cry for the rest of my life. I'm plagued by thoughts of 'What if I haven't actually tried everything?' and 'What if one more week makes him better?' and countless of other 'What if' questions. My life, my husband's life, and my other dog's lives are all being negatively affected. But how can I ever be the decision to end this precious life?
Oh, this is so sad and such a tough decision. My landlord has a dog who also had severe separation anxiety and they were considering giving her away, but I think she's since calmed down. It does seem like you've exhausted all resources, but let me talk to them and see what solution they came up with. Maybe it's something you haven't tried yet. Poor Monkey :(
ReplyDeleteOy. I feel your pain. A few months ago we had some issues with one of my cats. He'd been sick for about a year and a half, and had been on medication that long. He started peeing outside the litter box and all over the house. We tried all sorts of things to get him to stop, and I struggled with what to do about it. I'd had him for thirteen years, and he was my little baby. And, I couldn't keep living in a house that reeked of cat pee all the time. But what if I hadn't tried everything? Ultimately, he peed on things one time too many, and I took him down to the county shelter and had him put down. And I sobbed uncontrollably as I handed him to the shelter worker. And now our house doesn't smell like pee all the time, and I'm not always worrying about whether I'm going to find a new wet spot somewhere on the floor or carpet. And really, I had to wonder how badly he was feeling to be peeing all over creation. Unfortunately, nobody can make this decision but you. Just know that whatever decision you make is okay, and forgive yourself. Love you!
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