For my wonderful and amazing followers..here is the next entry in my embarrassing freshman year diary. I have a huge spiral bound notebook that I know occupied most of my high school life and I cannot find it which is vexing me. I've searched the basement, the storage unit, my random unpacked boxes from the move, and no. It is hiding. I'm hoping to locate it before I run out of pages in this one...
Something bizarre is going on. Neda said that a lot of people have been saying S is crazy but I didn't listen. Today S started telling me he's crazy and that he's totally uncontrollable at times. He said he's honestly worried about hurting me someday. I trust him completely but he sounded scared. I'm prepared to stick by him and help him if he ever needs anything. (God, there are times I just want to go back and smack myself for being young and stupid and idealistic) The weird part is people who at first were opposed to us are now wishing us luck, and people who were happy at first are telling me to watch myself now. I'm really confused. (No honey, you are just young and stupid) I'm not leaving S for anything. (except for maybe one of 6 other guys you've mentioned in the past week) When I care about someone it is for life. (No. Really no.) I'm not giving up even if I have to fight forever. (Someone should have taken the medieval novels away from me) I'm sick of giving up things in my life. (Like what? Phone privileges? Allowance?) From now on I'm keeping everything. (This could be the beginning of 'Hoarders Confessional' but then again, I did keep all my damned diaries) S is really important to me. (Until next week) Just when I kneeded (yes, I actually spelled it that way. How did I get good grades in English?!) somebody to lean on, he appeared. Now I have what I need so I'm going to give him what he needs. (not kneeds?) He mentioned that he saw a phsyc (I'm guessing I was shortening Psychiatrist because I couldn't fucking spell it) for a while but he doesn't think it helped. (No kneed to pay any attention to red flags) I think even he thinks he is crazy. (again, red flag my dear) Maybe he is but I don't care. (maybe I'm crazy too...) Nothings going to stop this. ( Suddenly I want to sing 'Aint nothing gonna breaka my stride, nothings gonna slow me down, oh no, got to keep on movin)
That's all for now folks. I have to remain stingy until I locate the giant green spiral bound notebook because what I have next to me only covers the next two months.
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