Why aren't there any songs?

  I'm trying to get away from all the sadness I had last year but here is one I started and then left alone thinking it was too much, not light enough for you my dear readers. However, I did write it and did feel it and since then have lost 2 more of my amazing furbabies so it is time for this to see the light of day. This was written shortly after Monkey died and I was so broken. So desperate to find something to soothe me.

   You let me down. You weren't supposed to die first. You weren't supposed to make me feel so sad or hurt so much. I was so wrapped up in how to let you go in the easiest way possible that I forgot to worry about how I was going to feel after you were gone. In the past, breaking up with someone made me turn to music and I made mixes or fixated on the same song over and over until I had cried myself out but with you, that doesn't exist. There are no songs for breaking up with your baby. Dog, cat, human, or otherwise. I've searched all my cds, my itunes, my brain, listened intently to every song on the radio but nothing speaks of you. I don't even have the words. I've never been at such a loss.
     To say I miss you is ridiculous. I can't convey to anyone what I'm missing. You aren't here, you aren't present in any way. You don't take up space in my life anymore. You don't annoy me, you don't warm me, you don't follow me, you don't worry me, you don't protect me, you don't need me. I'm more alone than I ever concieved. I thought that somehow you would find me, still follow me or show me you were ok. There is no you anymore. Instead I have to struggle with what to do with your remains.